Five Commandments for Raising Children With Depth

Today, we tend not to deeply reflect on things, people, or events, nor explore their essence. Instead, we pursue appearances, instant gratification, and immediate results. We live in a "superficial age" where appearances swallow substance and image replaces character.

Information overflows, yet reflection is scarce. Relationships are plentiful, yet depth is shallow. Children are surrounded by countless short videos — short-form content such as TikTok, Reels, and Shorts — and sensational information, never learning to think seriously or ask deep questions.

As a result, children judge people by external conditions, constantly compare themselves with others, and are easily shaken by unstable self-esteem. They hide emotions rather than share them, and regard failure not as a process of growth but as a negation of their entire being. In this superficial age, raising children to become people of depth is a crucial mission for parents.

How, then, can we nurture our beloved children so they build a strong core rather than a polished surface and grow into people of depth?

First, parents themselves must live lives of depth.

Children conditioned by short, sensational information find it increasingly difficult to engage in deep thought. This means the ability to grasp the essence of problems, to understand life holistically, and to reflect on oneself has collapsed. Unable to look inward when facing failure and mistakes, more and more children stall in their personal development and maturity, displaying emotional instability and hyperactive behavior.

The fundamental reason for all of this is that parents with shallow inner lives, who waver at the smallest crisis, become mirrors that reflect directly onto their children. The depth of a parent's inner life is always proportional to the depth of a child's inner life. Deep parents produce deep children; shallow parents produce shallow children. Now is the time for parents to become people who can reflect on themselves — parents who deliberate rather than react impulsively, who possess a sturdy inner world like a deeply rooted tree.

Second, parents must cultivate inner credentials rather than outer credentials.

The world emphasizes only visible achievements for children — grades, universities, appearance. While these surface-level things may yield short-term results, if the inner self is empty or shallow, children are easily shaken by small failures and live with low self-esteem.

A prestigious university, a good company, and financial abundance cannot give children true happiness in life. What we must nurture is not that outer shell but the child's inner self. What our beloved children truly need are inner credentials: resilience to get back up after falling, empathy to understand others, and the strength to regulate their own emotions. These inner credentials become roots that will never be shaken throughout a child's lifetime. Be a parent who cultivates inner credentials that will sustain your beloved child for life, not outer credentials that shine only briefly.

Third, parents must engage in genuine communication that opens the inner heart.

Today, most conversations between parents and children remain at the level of checking information: "Did you do your homework?" "Did you eat?" "Did you go to your academy?" As a result, children perceive their parents not as someone to trust but as a "life inspector," and see themselves merely as "subjects being managed." Because genuine communication — sharing hearts and thoughts between parent and child — has disappeared, children choose to hide their emotions or fall silent rather than express them, gradually locking the door to their hearts.

Now, parents must become companions, not inspectors. Conversation with parents is not a daily check-up but a child's first textbook for learning social skills and human relationships. Only children who have learned deep relationships from their parents can form healthy, mature relationships with friends. A parent's everyday voice and conversational approach become the standard for a child's social skills and human relationships. A single word a parent chooses today determines the child's tomorrow.

Fourth, parents must become those who turn hardship into a resource.

Crisis and hardship in life are realities no one can avoid. The problem is not hardship itself but how one responds when encountering it. Children with shallow roots in life are greatly shaken by even small failures. A mistake on an exam, a conflict with a friend, a moment when plans go awry — they receive these as events that collapse their entire sense of self.

Ultimately, they grow up fearing challenges and new beginnings, unable to see failure as part of a process, equating it with their very identity, and feeling extreme defeat even at minor setbacks. Now is the time to pass on a life of depth to our children. When parents encounter difficulties and choose to find meaning instead of resentment, and maturity instead of despair, children learn to reinterpret hardship in a new way. The home is the first school where children learn to turn hardship into a resource.

Fifth, parents must become those who achieve the completion of a life of depth.

No matter how deeply a person lives, anyone can crumble before life's unexpected trials. Just as a tall tree with lush leaves topples in a storm if its roots are not deep, our lives, too, will inevitably sway in the slightest wind if our roots are planted in this superficial world. Where we place our roots entirely determines our lives. Therefore, rather than rooting ourselves in a superficial world that changes rapidly and inevitably shakes, we must root ourselves in Jesus — the unshakable rock and the source of life. Those who do so will live a life of unwavering depth amid any change or trial the world may bring. A parent's deep faith becomes a spiritual heritage that spans generations, serving as the most important value in beautifully cultivating a child's future. That child will grow not into a superficial person easily swayed by any storm or temptation of the world, but into a person of depth, living a beautiful and verdant life like a deeply rooted tree.

*"Oseong" refers to five dimensions: intellect, knowledge, emotion, physicality, and spirituality. Seo Dae-cheon, who chairs the Future Leaders Research Institute and created the "Five-Star Character Education" framework, emphasizes the importance of Oseong Education through his monthly "Pastor Seo Dae-cheon's Good Parenting Seminar."

He is…

· Senior Pastor of Holy Seeds Church, Asia Representative of World Hug Foundation, Chairman of the World Youth Culture Development Association