Parents often want children who are obedient, cause no trouble, and live up to others' expectations. Watching such children, adults praise them for maturing early. But today, a child with an inner strength sufficient to protect themselves matters more than one who has simply grown up fast. With the spread of artificial intelligence, society has become more uncertain, and the nature of competition is changing rapidly. This leads parents to hope their children possess an inner self that does not break easily in the face of hardship. Yet we often overlook the fact that the very cause weakening that inner self lies with the parents themselves.
To raise a child with a strong inner self, the first necessity is for parents to look inward at themselves. Many parents pressure their children to follow their wishes and compel them to make choices that align with parental standards. Behind the phrase "this is all for your sake," parents need to examine whether there lies a desire to ease their own anxieties, project their expectations onto their children, or at times a selfishness aimed at preserving their own appearance. Children sensitively detect such tension and selfishness from their parents. Gradually, they come to view the world through the belief that they must meet their parents' standards to be loved.
In that process, children become accustomed to prioritizing external demands over their own feelings. A habit forms of suppressing natural but seemingly negative emotions such as anger, sadness, and resentment, and of controlling themselves. On the surface, this may appear as stable behavior that avoids conflict, but such an inner self is easily shaken by small failures or criticism. That is because the center lies outside rather than within.
Conversely, children with a strong inner self recognize their own emotions, make their own choices, and take responsibility for the results. When others' demands are unfair or exceed their limits, they can clearly draw the line and say "no." This strength comes not from others' approval but from the experience of accepting oneself as one is. In the end, self-esteem, the root of a strong inner self, grows not on external evaluation but on self-acceptance.
For such growth, education must move toward supporting autonomy rather than exercising control. What matters here is not neglect but freedom within boundaries. France's Cadre education maintains clear discipline while helping children make their own choices and regulate themselves within it. Finland and other Nordic countries likewise place autonomy and play at the center from early childhood, with teachers serving as supporters rather than directors. Such educational methods become a process in which parents and adults do not live a child's life for them, but prepare the child to live on their own.
To raise a child with a strong inner self, parents must be able to serve as mentors rather than managers. Instead of solving every problem, they must become figures who wait for children to find answers on their own. Rather than preventing failure, they must serve as a psychological safety net that supports children in rising again after failure. It is also important that children are not confined to the perspective of a single parent but experience varied standards through relationships with diverse adults. Within such relationships, children gradually form their own standards.
Ultimately, a child with a strong inner self is not created through a particular method of discipline or short-term effort. Such a child grows only when parents set aside their own anxieties and expectations and respect the child as an independent being rather than an object of control. The strength to set one's own standards and live by them, rather than a life conformed to external criteria, is the strong inner self we must cultivate in our children, and the true capability that prepares them for the future society.
Especially in an era of coexistence with AI, the power to raise one's own questions and set one's own direction has become more important than the ability to follow correct answers well. What determines the quality of life is not how well one follows a path set by someone else, but whether one can judge without losing oneself amid unpredictable circumstances. That is why what our children need is the experience of trust that it is acceptable to think and choose for themselves. When such trust accumulates, might not the child's inner self finally take root firmly, unshaken by external circumstances?
